The Daily Dose

Barack Obama warns Bashar Assad caricature and Top Ten U.S. Political Chatter jokes

In a pathetic political caricature of himself, Barack Hussein Obama has once again “clarified” that there would be “consequences” if Bashar al-Assad stepped over the “red line” of using chemical weapons against the Syrian opposition movement. Such consequences apparently include more stern warnings about how there would be more stern warnings directed at the dictator in Damascus. — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 U.S. Political Chatter jokes”

10. Horse Trading: The worst form of political caricature is the kind that shows the truth about the give and take of bargaining in politics, because it’s not fictitious enough.

9. Intelligence: U.S. Intelligence has proven that the WMDs used in Boston by the Tsarnaev brothers is the same as the kind used in Syria every day, and therefore it’s better to stay out of that fray until they’ve run out of ordinance.

8. Human Rights: Of course America can not just stand idly by while innocent civilians are dying at the hands of evildoers. And that’s just in Boston, which is why the U.S. is just too busy to help with the millions of displaced, abused, harmed and killed Syrians.

7. Populism: Of course Barack Obama is not a populist. He acts on principle. The principle that if an action like regime change in Syria is unpopular, he should probably find alternatives or avoid it altogether.

6. Haiku: Obama is lame. Assad used chemical bombs. Barack does nothing.

5. Precedence: Of course the President of the United States of America has the precedence to cause regime change in Muslim countries. Just not in Syria.

4. Democracy: Even though they fight and die for it daily, the Syrians, like the Afghans, Iraqis, Libyans, Egyptians, Yemenites, Tunisians, etc. obviously don’t want democracy, or else why would they hate America so much?

3. Money: Barack Obama and military contractors would be only too happy to see the United States replace the Assad regime with a pro-democracy government in Syria, if only there was any capital to be gained by it.

2. Patriotism: There’s nothing more American than The White House lobbing empty shells filled with meaningless words at a tyrant half a world away, using live shells.

… and the #1 U.S. Political Chatter joke is:

1. Three Words: Assad Will Pay.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.