The Daily Dose

Alan Turing cartoon and Top 10 UK hypocrisy jokes

“The UK chemically castrated the computer scientist Alan Turing for being gay, which is like taking away the driver’s license of a blind person.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 UK hypocrisy jokes”

10. The United Kingdom used Alan Turing’s talents to defeat the Nazis in World War II, and then performed irreversible penal medical procedures on him for being gay. Which underscores just how much the house of Tudor learned from the house of Mengele.

9. Lyrical: The Turing machine had once intervened, to help bring down the Nazi machine. Then, almost as fast, the Brits killed his ass, with poisoned fruit, which was cheaper than gas. A hero no more, he crossed through death’s door, and left for us all, more cyphers to break. For those who were there, and others who care, the computer scientist precoded his wake. Now if you believe the conspiracies, you probably think that his death was a fake. Though if you recall, his final downfall, was eating the apple of his eye and heartache.

8. Rhyme: Alan Turing’s genius kept churning, even after the UK stopped burning. Thanks to him, the Third Reich codes were broken. Then, the crown used him up like a token. They cut off his balls for just being gay. How much do you loathe QE2 today?

7. Haiku: Alan Turing died. A poisoned apple killed him. Blame the goddamned Queen.

6. Time: It took the British government until 2009 to publicly comment on the terrible loss of Alan Turing. Fortunately for them, he did not take as long to break the Enigma code, or those comments might well have been made in German.

5. Three Words: Turing. Enigma. Betrayed.

4. If the United Kingdom wanted to do right by its war hero Alan Turning, they would have rewarded him with a closet full of the Queen’s fanciest clothes, rather than making him lose his mind, and his nuts.

3. Code Breaker: F_C_ The UK. Fill in the blanks to complete how Alan Turing probably felt before he bit into the cyanide apple.

2. The way Alan Turing was mistreated by his own country is quite telling about how the UK was intolerant of homosexuals. The Queen’s logic argued that since they were no longer preoccupied with killing Nazis, they should do away with the next most dangerous enemy: homegrown cabaret boys who love tea and scones.

… and the #1 UK hypocrisy joke is:

1. Alan Turing was persecuted by the British for being gay, which is ironic considering what the royal family wears at formal functions. Their styles are a gay fashion designer’s wet dream.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.