Weird Ida's reminder: The season isn't over Press-Register - al.com Weird Ida started so far away ? down by Central America ? that you hardly paid attention. It was supposed to be torn up in the mountains somewhere. ...
Black plants are weird and wonderful Christian Science Monitor New book explores weird and wonderful black plants, from the Chinese cobra lily to Vampire's Dracula orchid. By Mary Beth Breckenridge | Akron Beacon ...
There is a lot of talk about the United Nations creating a combined strike force with troops from several nations included in it.
Could it work? Let's take a look at one operation. A combined force beach landing on a tropical island.
When the troops hit the beach.........
* The Royal Marines go fishing.
* The US Marines wait for CNN to arrive.
* The French don't care whose beach it is; it's French territory now, and say the English gave them no other choice.
* The Canadians watch the Americans very closely, then offer to guard their landing strip.
* The Dutch have a beach party and smoke some dope saying the English don't understand them.
* The Italians go sunbathing.
* The Germans land and build a car factory.
* The West Indians go looking for the Dutch.
* The Austrians just watch the Russians and Germans.
* The Chinese win the natives hearts and minds then kill them.
* The SEALs arrive after dark and kill anyone who is not a SEAL.
* The Aussies and Kiwis land then start fighting each other over a sheep.
* The South Americans send a contingent of 2000 generals.
* The South Africans start shooting at anyone with a tan.
* The Saudi's start drilling for oil.
* The Russians open a chain of massage parlours.
* The Brit airborne troops get charged with murder even though they have not opened fire yet.
* The Spanish are late.
* The Portuguese are late but blame the Spaniards.
* Delta Force makes a movie about the landing.
* The Greeks and Turks turn up then send a bill to the Yanks and Brits.
* The British Army cannot come because all six of them have flu.
* The Japanese don't know who owns what ships and decide to sink them all.
* The Californian National Guard contingent won't land until someone opens a Starbucks.
* The New Yorkers paint their Amtrak's yellow and will take you ashore for 50 bucks.
* The Irish Army will be late because they say they are still celebrating St. Patrick's Day.
* The Israeli's start building a kibbutz and shell the Palestinians as a precaution.
* The Scandinavians like it off shore and stay there killing whales for the Japanese.
* The Polish tunnel under the beach looking for coal.
* The Palestinians say it used to be theirs but the English gave it away.
* The Oklahomans have no damn idea what a beach is.
* The Scottish claim to have found the beach first but accuse the English of stealing it.
* The Texans look for anyone bad mouthing them.
* The Mexicans invade Arizona by mistake.
* The Welsh say it's King Arthur's last resting place but the English stole it.
* The Swiss apply for a bank charter.
* The Lybians blow up two UN planes.
* The UN will send an Ambassador if the member states pay their dues.
* The Kentuckians open a KFC.
* The Panamanians ask the U.S. what they should do.
* The Floridians demand a recount and free Prozac.
* The EU want to set up a commission of 50,000 administrators paid for by the English.
* The Swedes just want to screw.
* The Michigan contingent issue a safety recall and sue General Motors.
* The Matell Corp. sends 10,000 GI Joe's and one Barbie.
* Some guy from Tennessee swears that Elvis and Jimmy Dean are just over the dunes.
* The Romanians and Albanians finally arrive and surrender.
* The Coloradans cut off the Kansan's water supply.
* H. M. The Queen will give anyone a Knighthood if they can grab her a few hundred acres or find a job for Charles.
* The New Hampshire contingent declares that everyone there is Sooooo Cruel and open a soup kitchen.
* The North Koreans have no idea what is going on but blame America anyway.
* Washington State NG builds a monument to Bill Gates.
* The Pakistanis build a Motel Six, a convenience store and gas station.
* Jimmy Carter arrives and declares peace.
* George W. Bush doesn't know where the island is, so he orders the U.S. Airforce to bomb Hawaii.
* Barack Hussein Obama orders the soldiers in theatre to hold tight, while he considers his options for another 3 years.