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The Daily Dose! The 
Funniest Site on the Internet! Since 1996!
:^) Monday, November 2, 2009 {Vol. 14, # 005} (^8  

Clean Energy Connection - Bridging the clean 
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And: Oy Vey! Jewish Jokes, Comedy & Humor.

The Daily Dose of Weird News:
weird - Google News
The luck of the Sapiens: the weird fortuitousness of global warming - True/Slant

The luck of the Sapiens: the weird fortuitousness of global warming
True/Slant
In all the hullaballoo around global warming, there's one oft-overlooked tidbit that warrants, at the very least, some philosophical contemplation. ...

and more »
?A WEIRD GAME? Chivas USA, Galaxy bumble their way to 2-2 draw - LA Soccer News (blog)

Los Angeles Times

?A WEIRD GAME? Chivas USA, Galaxy bumble their way to 2-2 draw
LA Soccer News (blog)
?Definitely a weird game,? Chivas defender Carey Talley said when it was done. ?It was a 'Clasico.' It was the kind of things that happen whenever these ...
CHIVAS USA 2, GALAXY 2Los Angeles Times
Nothing decided in openerSan Bernardino Sun
MLS Playoffs: Typical superclasico Drama Plays Out In DrawGoal.com

all 184 news articles »
'Weird Illinois' inspires ghost story - Chicago Tribune

'Weird Illinois' inspires ghost story
Chicago Tribune
With a copy of "Weird Illinois" (2005) at his elbow, Greg Stolze sat at his dining room table, opened his laptop and proceeded to write the best Chicago ...

A bizarre trip through `Weird Florida' - MiamiHerald.com

A bizarre trip through `Weird Florida'
MiamiHerald.com
Weird Florida: Roads Less Traveled is an egregious insult to our community, a vicious slight of our importance to the state and our role in making Florida a ...

Weird configuration at Boone Pickens Stadium - ESPN

Weird configuration at Boone Pickens Stadium
ESPN
STILLWATER, Okla. -- Fans watching the game tonight on television will notice a couple of differences at Boone Pickens Stadium. This is the only stadium in ...

and more »
'Finian's Rainbow' theater review: How are things in Missitucky? Weird - SILive.com

SILive.com

'Finian's Rainbow' theater review: How are things in Missitucky? Weird
SILive.com
Richard Kornberg & associateskate Baldwin and Cheyenne Jackson in a scene from the Broadway revival of ?Finian's Rainbow,? now ...

and more »
The Essential Weird Al Yankovic - Aversion

The Essential Weird Al Yankovic
Aversion
The idea of anything Weird Al Yankovic related being essential is a little preposterous in and of itself: The music industry's most accomplished parodist's ...

Having nothing to prove, Favre plays it his way against Packers - Minneapolis Star Tribune

Washington Post

Having nothing to prove, Favre plays it his way against Packers
Minneapolis Star Tribune
"It didn't seem weird until I got into around the pier, then everything was real familiar to me. ... All the Packer fans were there, and there was some ...
Hostility, No Surprise, But Favre Deserves BetterBleacher Report
Favre Quiets Haters, Gets Last LaughFanHouse (blog)
VIKINGS 38, PACKERS 26 Minnesota Vikings beat Green Bay Packers 38-26Chicago Tribune

all 3,529 news articles »
Post Halloween/World Savings Day Weird and Wacky Savings Tips - Examiner.com

Examiner.com

Post Halloween/World Savings Day Weird and Wacky Savings Tips
Examiner.com
In honor of this august day, which no one except me seems to know about, I am posting a few weird financial savings tips of my own and some others. Enjoy! ...

Weird world news: environmental discharge and a drunken hedgehog - The Daily of the University of Washington

Weird world news: environmental discharge and a drunken hedgehog
The Daily of the University of Washington
In an effort to reduce carbon emissions, All Nippon Airways is asking passengers to make sure to use the restroom before boarding. ...

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The Daily Dose of Comedy News:
comedy - Google News
Morgan Freeman down with "Dirty" comedy - Reuters

Empire Online

Morgan Freeman down with "Dirty" comedy
Reuters
By Borys Kit LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Morgan Freeman is attached to star in and executive produce an untitled comedy feature previously dubbed ...
Morgan Freeman in "Dirty Old Men" ComedyWorstPreviews.com
Morgan Freeman down with 'Dirty'Hollywood Reporter
Morgan Freeman to Be One of 'Dirty Old Men'AceShowbiz (blog)
CanMag -New York Magazine
all 13 news articles »
?Sherlock Holmes? to Sponsor ?Family Guy? Special - NBC Bay Area

AceShowbiz (blog)

?Sherlock Holmes? to Sponsor ?Family Guy? Special
NBC Bay Area
Last week, Microsoft bailed as sole-sponsor for Fox's "Family Guy Presents: Seth & Alex's Almost Live Comedy Show." The software behemoth said they feared ...
New film to sponsor Fox's 'Family Guy' specialThe Associated Press
"Sherlock Holmes" Not Afraid of "Family Guy" SpecialWorstPreviews.com
'Sherlock' Replaces Microsoft in 'Family Guy' SpecialMediaPost Publications
Animation Magazine -Variety -Metro
all 153 news articles »
Neil Simon Flop May Be a Case of the Missing 'Wow' - New York Times

The Faster Times

Neil Simon Flop May Be a Case of the Missing 'Wow'
New York Times
Neil Simon was the crossover comedy king of Broadway and Hollywood for three decades, beginning when ?Barefoot in the Park? and three other ...
College stages Simon comedySioux City Journal

all 29 news articles »
Arts, Briefly Comedy Central Plans New Sketch Series - New York Times

The Money Times

Arts, Briefly Comedy Central Plans New Sketch Series
New York Times
Though Nick Swardson, above, is better known for stand-up comedy albums with vaguely off-color titles and supporting roles in films like ?Blades of Glory? ...
COMEDY CENTRAL(R) Greenlights Nick Swardson Sketch SeriesReuters
Nick Swardson gets Comedy Central seriesHollywood Reporter
'Reno 911!''s Nick Swardson Gets His Own Comedy Central ShowInside TV (blog)
Variety -New York Times (blog) -Broadcasting & Cable
all 35 news articles »
Comedy for Dummies - New York Times

New York Times

Comedy for Dummies
New York Times
He'd been packed in plastic in a garage and then a basement for five decades ? chipped in places and blighted by mold ? by the time the stand-up comedian ...

and more »
Bill Cosby honored for comedy, social influence - CNN

Joy Online

Bill Cosby honored for comedy, social influence
CNN
Washington (CNN) -- Comedian Bill Cosby received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor on Monday after refusing to accept the award twice in the past. ...
Bill Cosby collects comedy honourBBC News
Twelfth knight: It's Cosby's time to claim the Twain prizeWashington Post
Bill Cosby Receives Mark Twain Comedy HonorAHN
Philadelphia Daily News -Parade Magazine -The Press Association
all 1,113 news articles »
George Clooney acts the goat in Iraq war comedy - WalesOnline

George Clooney acts the goat in Iraq war comedy
WalesOnline
The jovial actor tells Kate Whiting about working with goats in Iraq war-set comedy Men Who Stare At Goats and when he first realised he was famous. ...

and more »
Steve Martin rolling in the bluegrass now - Seattle Times

Steve Martin rolling in the bluegrass now
Seattle Times
In a live performance at the Paramount Theatre in Seattle, Martin echoed his then-familiar faux boast that he was "getting out of the comedy thing, ...

and more »
With Cast Offs Channel 4 has turned disability into a comedy drama - Times Online

Times Online

With Cast Offs Channel 4 has turned disability into a comedy drama
Times Online
The reality TV show is fictitious, but Cast Offs, a comedy drama about the making of a disabled take on Survivor, is about to become one of the most talked ...

and more »
BROWNED OFF BY JONES 'COMEDY OF ERRORS' - UK Express

BROWNED OFF BY JONES 'COMEDY OF ERRORS'
UK Express
Referee Mike Jones provided under-fire Hull boss Phil Brown with a perfect smoke-screen after a comedy of errors at Turf Moor. ...

and more »
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Funny Quote:
"If I drive myself to the brink of my ability, then I don't get stale or bored." ~ Dean R. Koontz

The Daily Dose Joke:
Things to do in the bathroom stall ...

1. Put your hand open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, "May I borrow a paper clip?"

2. Say "Geez, I knew I shouldn't put my lips there."

3. Clap and cheer loudly whenever somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Woah, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh Dang! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Heck, this water is cold."

7. Groan and moan real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Let out a sigh of relief.

8. Say, "Now how did that get in there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus. Ok, maybe tehina."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mellow Yellow (the soda). Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

Submitted by: Jaunille Beamish


Random Joke:
JokesAreAwesome.com Random Joke
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Ten Jokes for your day:
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The Daily Dose News:
"the daily dose" - Google News
Brand and Generic TRAMADOL (Ultram). FDA approved. Fast Delivery. Ultram. - Newstalk ZB

Brand and Generic TRAMADOL (Ultram). FDA approved. Fast Delivery. Ultram.
Newstalk ZB
Talk with properly cirrhosis of the daily dose of subjects over 75. PRESCRIBED FOR you. The physician. These actions to obtain the weight of tramadol and ...

Rasburicase approved for management of plasma uric acid levels - HemOncToday

Rasburicase approved for management of plasma uric acid levels
HemOncToday
The daily dose of rasburicase was 0.20 mg/kg; the allopurinol dose was 300 mg. The plasma uric acid response rate was defined as the proportion of patients ...

and more »
FDA Approves Elitek(R) (rasburicase) for Management of Plasma Uric Acid Levels ... - Reuters

FDA Approves Elitek(R) (rasburicase) for Management of Plasma Uric Acid Levels ...
Reuters
The daily dose of Elitek was 0.20 mg/kg, while that of allopurinol was 300 mg. The PUA response rate was defined as the proportion of patients with PUA ...

Novartis drug Tasigna(R) meets primary endpoint in pivotal trial against ... - Reuters

Novartis drug Tasigna(R) meets primary endpoint in pivotal trial against ...
Reuters
... CYP3A4 should be closely monitored for prolongation of the QT interval, and a dose reduction to 1/2 the daily dose is recommended (400 mg once daily). ...

First thoughts: Jersey Boys - msnbc.com

msnbc.com

First thoughts: Jersey Boys
msnbc.com
... you're afraid that some of their viewers may start to just say NO to the daily dose of brainwashing that's handed out by the wrecking crew over there? ...

and more »
Out of Mom's Car, Into the Metrobus - Washington Post

Out of Mom's Car, Into the Metrobus
Washington Post
Walking that mile to and from the bus happens to be the daily dose of activity recommended for teens by the American Heart Association. ...

Gul Panag is Twitter Face at WIFW - Oneindia

Gul Panag is Twitter Face at WIFW
Oneindia
Gul Panag will be present at the venue on all five action-packed days to review the shows and tweet on the daily dose of fashion week news. ...

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The Quietus & Domino Hook Up For Halloween - The Quietus

The Quietus

The Quietus & Domino Hook Up For Halloween
The Quietus
Alongside the daily dose of mordant fiction, The Quietus will be running a competition where one lucky winner can get their hands on the original written ...

Five-Day Intravenous Vidaza For MDS Shows Mixed Results Compared To Standard ... - The MDS Beacon

Five-Day Intravenous Vidaza For MDS Shows Mixed Results Compared To Standard ...
The MDS Beacon
Additional Notes: (1) The daily Vidaza dose given to the patients in the Washington University study was the same (75 mg/m 2 ) as the daily dose typically ...

Gul Panag to 'tweet' live from WIFW - Press Trust of India

Gul Panag to 'tweet' live from WIFW
Press Trust of India
Panag will be present at the fashion week on all five days to review the shows and tweet the daily dose of fashion week news for her more than 20000 ...

and more »
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The Daily Dose of Funny News:
funny - Google News
Hight's run continues with Funny Car title - Las Vegas Review - Journal

AutoWeek

Hight's run continues with Funny Car title
Las Vegas Review - Journal
Robert Hight celebrates Sunday night after winning the Funny Car title in the ninth annual Las Vegas NHRA Nationals at Las Vegas Motor Speedway ...
Funny Car showdown: Hight vs. Force HoodRadioactive Drag Racing News
Las Vegas II: John Force Racing final reportMotorsport.com
NHRA: Massey, Hight and Morgan win in Las VegasAutoWeek
The Associated Press -NHRA.com -HeraldNet
all 254 news articles »
From the Start, Still a 'Funny Thing' - New York Times

From the Start, Still a 'Funny Thing'
New York Times
But ?Comedy Tonight,? which opens ?A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,? tells you from the get-go whether you'll be in good hands. ...

and more »
Daigneault: Huskies sure are good theater - Waterbury Republican American

Waterbury Republican American

Daigneault: Huskies sure are good theater
Waterbury Republican American
It's sometimes funny (not funny ha ha, but funny as in odd) how things work out. Right now, the UConn football team is a bit of a train ...

and more »
Paris Hilton speaks in a baby voice because she thinks it's funny. - Bosh

Paris Hilton speaks in a baby voice because she thinks it's funny.
Bosh
The socialite claims her high-pitched girly voice is all an act designed to make herself laugh, and is adamant she speaks "normally" when she's hanging out ...

Oliver's Twist: Funny phony business - San Antonio Express

Oliver's Twist: Funny phony business
San Antonio Express
Former tennis star Andre Agassi, whose revelation that he used crystal meth in 1997 is the juiciest tidbit in his new ...

Darkly funny satire with extra cruel twists - Sydney Morning Herald

Darkly funny satire with extra cruel twists
Sydney Morning Herald
The scenes are wittily choreographed and the first half of the play is viciously funny. Verity Hampson's lighting, in which convenience store glare gives ...

and more »
I Hope Jesus Thinks Larry David is Funny - Town Hall

Telegraph.co.uk

I Hope Jesus Thinks Larry David is Funny
Town Hall
Larry David joined the ranks of the rank this week when he whizzed on an image of Jesus Christ on his unfunny HBO show. ...
Larry David Urinates on Jesus Painting; Catholics Not EnthusedPopEater
Pissing on Jesus: Hollywood Hates Us Exhibit 11567Big Hollywood (blog)

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J-Roll talks, the media listen - Philadelphia Inquirer

Washington Post

J-Roll talks, the media listen
Philadelphia Inquirer
"They were looking for a player who was edgy and funny. They didn't come looking for Jimmy, we sold them on Jimmy,'' said Kimberly Crossett, ...
A-Rod makes history with first replay review in World SeriesYahoo! Sports
Cliff Lee: Catch Video(s)RightFielders Women in Sports
Yanks rally past Phils in 9th, win Game 4Blinq (blog)
Philadelphia Daily News -FanHouse (blog) -Cherry Hill Courier Post
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Columnist: Tact important on Halloween - The Daily Collegian Online

Columnist: Tact important on Halloween
The Daily Collegian Online
But there's a distinct line between being funny and being offensive. My fellow upperclassmen likely remember the outrage most of us felt on Halloween in ...

and more »
Kansas State shows amazing improvement - Kansas City Star

Kansas State shows amazing improvement
Kansas City Star
A month remains in the regular season, and the ball bounces funny in the Big 12 North every weekend. But for all the uncertainty left for ...

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Keep on laughing! 8^D It's good for you. Really. Well it can't be worse for you than bad healthcare. :)


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