Bashar Assad Will Always Love You editorial cartoon and Top 10 Superstar jokes that kill

“Bashar Assad always enjoyed the vocal stylings of Whitney Houston, because as a young man he always dreamed of growing up to become a diva. Imagine his disappointment when he had to inherit a brutal dictatorship. No wonder he’s so angry.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Superstar jokes that kill”

10. Syria believes that children are the future … and that’s why Assad’s forces are killing as many of them as possible before they take over.

9. Whitney Houston died in a bathtub, causing Syrian President Bashar Assad to fear emulating her final act.

8. Haiku: Whitney Houston died. President Assad still lives. Murphy’s Law is cruel. 

7. If only the Syrian dictator would have a bodyguard as charismatic and bad as Kevin Costner, fate could have rid the world of Assad before Whitney Houston left.

6. If a superstar dies of self-induced abuse, and a dictator thrives on abusing others until they die, which would your doctor order for your longevity?

5. Even a superstar can’t draw blood from a stone, but a third rate dictator with Russian firepower and no real political pressure can draw blood from thousands of people before anyone does anything to stop him.

4. Whitney Houston may have been a musical trailblazer for followers of the diva genre, but Bashar Assad has been blazing trails full of civilians for a solid year now even if he doesn’t have a lot of followers of the twitter genre.

3. Whitney Houston was a famous globetrotter. Bashar Assad is an infamous globetrotter. Neither of them played for the Harlem Globetrotters.

2.  If you’re Bashar Assad, you can kill for thrills. If you’re Whitney Houston, you might have been killed by pills, but at least you weren’t an evil dictator.

… and the #1 Superstar jokes that kill  is:

1. Fame is a double-edged sword. Power is an arsenal of ordinance. Money is the fuel that keeps them both going, until the whole thing collapses.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Winter in Paris editorial cartoon and Top 10 #OccupyWinter jokes

“It’s so cold in Paris this year, you can hear Sarkozy telling bad jokes about Hollande.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Winter jokes”

10. Europe experienced record low temperatures in the Winter of 2012, and not just because of the Euro troubles.

9. Protesters of the #ows movement are determined to #occupywinter of discontent.

8. If you could fly would you occupy winter in the South of France or the South of Florida?

7. #OccupyWallStreet demonstrators may not have the stomach or heating for it, but seals and walruses love to occupy winter.

6. If an army of linux penguins decided to occupy winter, it would be freezing and free.

5. The attempts by Greece to occupy winter with its debt saga in 2012 made Europe so cold, that it drove Merkel and Sarkozy closer just to keep the flame of the European Union alive.  So close, in fact, that they practically merged into a Merkozy by the fireplace.

4. When Egyptians celebrated the one year anniversary of the overthrow of Hosni Mubarak with their revolution in Tahrir Square, they did occupy winter headlines more than their suffering Syrian cousins for a day.

3. In 2012, 4 out of 5 Syrians believe it would be a lot more fun to occupy winter in Damascus if they could throw snowballs at Bashar Assad’s head in effigy.

2. Anonymous knows that the best way to #occupywinter is to hack the Southern Hemisphere servers simmering in the February summer.

… and the #1 #OccupyWinter joke  is:

1. If a polar bear wants to occupy winter on a glacier and no seals or salmon are around to be eaten, does it still make a sound?

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Real Tea Realty editorial cartoon and Top 10 Real Tea jokes

“Is it inappropriate to drink coffee at a real tea party?” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Real Tea jokes”

10. Is decaffeinated tea real tea?

9. Would Great Britain have colonised India had it no real tea?

8. Haiku: I bought some realty, and then I drank some real tea. Now I have to pee.

7. Maybe the economy can be fixed without real tea, but it’s highly unlikely that it can be fixed without Realty.

6. If you owned the Real Tea Realty Company, would you sell farmland to tea growers, or would you sell tea to real estate agencies?

5. Would you drink Santorum’s Real Tea?

4. If you were a real tea plant, would you dream of being a real coffee plant?

3. Do you think Obama would prefer a Real Tea party or a Realty party?

2. If you went to a Republican Party social mixer, would you rather drink the real tea that’s flavored by Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney?.

… and the #1 Real Tea joke  is:

1. Real Tea leaves the caffeine in.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Groundhog day editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy Shadows jokes

“If Punxatawney Phil never saw his own shadow, would you miss long winters?” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Shadows jokes”

10. When you’re in the voting booth in November, ask yourself: WWPPD? What Would Punxatawney Phil Do?

9. Haiku: Groundhog day is here. Will Phil see his own shadow? Winter could be long.

8. Occupy Wall Street protestors love protesting Groundhog Day, because it represents the top 1% of fat rodents who Occupy Shadows, controlling over half the remaining days of Winter.

7. The Grand Prognosticator of Punxatawney, PA isn’t a political pollster, because the shadow of politics would leave Phil in a permanent winter.

6. #ows organizers have decided that ahead of the next Anonymous attack on some unsuspecting secured communications system, they will do as Punxatawney Phil does and go underground where they can #OccupyShadows.

5. The stock market loves groundhog day because it’s easier to bet on what the rodent will do than it is to occupy shadows and try to profit from being Anonymous.

4. Puxatawney Phil decided to #OccupyShadows in 2012 to show solidarity with the shadowy occupiers who don’t like that the other 99% of groundhogs get none of the limelight.

3. Because of the explosion of Punxatawney Phil copycats, a union is forming to Occupy Shadows with regulated oversight.

2. Punxatawney Phil’s little cousin in the Occupy Shadows movement is AnonyMouse .

… and the #1 #OccupyShadows joke  is:

1. Groundhog or not, you can’t occupy shadows if you’re never in the light.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Baby on bird editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy Signs jokes

“If you stop staring at the babe long enough, eventually you may notice that one of the wings on that bird appears backwards.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Signs jokes”

10. If you occupy signs with words of protest, then what do you put on them when you’re compliant?

8. If anyone loves the #ows movement it’s the people whose occupation is making signs.

7. Seen at a scene: Please remember to #OccupyPublicChaos in an orderly manner.

6. Haiku: Storks don’t bring babies. Signs don’t bring babies either. Horny people do.

5. If you know the aftermarket value of Occupy Signs and you can read the weather maps, you can use that information to earn a lot of greenbacks.

4. What would you express if you could only occupy signs?

3. The #OccupyStorks movement is airborne with a new baby.

2. We know beavers build things and otters even use tools, so why don’t they occupy signs?

… and the #1 #OccupySigns joke  is:

1. What sign do you occupy if you want to demonstrate humor?

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Apple iBall editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy Eyeball jokes

“A year on, the revolution in Tahrir Square that ousted Hosni Mubarak as President of Egypt, still manages to be a top item for any media outlet that strives to #OccupyEyeballs.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Eyeballs jokes”

10. Haiku: Occupy Eyeballs. That’s what Apple wants to do. Got your iBall yet?

9. #OccupyWallStreet figured the best way to occupy eyeballs is to get everyone to show up with their iPhones, iPads … and Androids too.

8. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could #occupyiballs?

7. The leaders of #ows are secretly planning to #OccupyApple unless they release the next great product really soon … they’re suggesting Apple create the iOccupy device.

6. Hollywood has lost so much in the fight to occupy eyeballs, that they’re looking more and more like a washed-up fighter who has to occupy a doctor with a bloody black eye.

5. Politicians can often get their way when they occupy eyeballs with distractions.

4. Football: The reason cheerleaders #occupyeyeballs at halftime, is because watching the grass grow doesn’t sell as much beer.

3. The #occupy movement would never have been witnessed by so many people in such a short time, if it had not managed to occupy eyeballs.

2. The worldwide economy may be in the tank, but that doesn’t occupy eyeballs nearly as much as the current pablum of fake reality shows and karaoke shows on TV these days.

… and the #1 #OccupyEyeballs joke  is:

1. Would you rather #OccupyiBalls in demonstration, or occupy eyeballs with a unique talent?

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

www server crash editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy www jokes

“Rick Perry dropped out of the U.S. Presidential election race because he could read the tea leaves, and not because of all the South Carolinian Anonymous #OWS crackers who occupied his web server.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy WWW jokes”

10. Occupy World Wide Web servers … because the top 1% of webmasters p0wn over half the web pages.

9. If all of Wall Street was a web server, and all the bankers bytes within, would the #occupywallstreet protesters hack it with desktops, netbooks, or clients thin?

8. All the World Wide Web’s a stage, and we are merely players. Performers and portrayers. Each another’s protester inside a gilded page.

7. #OccupyWWW servers because it’s more visible than occupying a backup ftp server.

6. Thank you for knocking. I am 301. The www server you want has been moved to this other place. 

5. If you Occupy WWW servers and no one visits them or links to them, does it still make it into Google?

4. Hello. I am 302. The www server you have attempted to occupy is out right now, and may be back in time.

3. #occupywww sounds a lot sexier than #occupydns.

2. #occupywww because email and social media networks are already occupied.

… and the #1 #OccupyWWW joke  is:

1. OccupyWWW … and 404 no more.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Light bulb thought editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy Thought jokes

“Lightbulbs are bipolar.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Thought jokes”

10. No lightbulbs have ever occupied Wall Street or owned over half the nation’s wealth. Not even the ones made by GE.

9. The instigators of #ows had a big bright lightbulb go off in their thought bubble. Do you think it was a regular bulb or a CFL?

8. If you occupy thought with mindless drivel, is it wrong to charge for it?

7. It is possible to occupy thought thoughtlessly.

6. If Iowans want to #occupythought every presidential election cycle, they may first want to consider being relevant.

5. You can say whatever you want about #ows protesters, but you can’t say that the ones burning American flags in public, outdoors, near larger flammable objects, bothered to occupy thought.

4. What kind of lightbulb can occupy thought even if you’re not a light bulb engineer? The kind you think of as soon as you step on it, barefoot.

3. The top 1% of the brightest lightbulbs control over half the watts seen by the other 99% of dimmer lights .

2. If people went with their gut, and did not occupy thought with tongue twisters, there might be a lot more French kisses.

… and the #1 #OccupyThought joke  is:

1. Politicians know that the only way to win elections is to #occupythought by saying one thing and doing another.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

“Would you rather be nimble as a cat or dexterous as a ninja?” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Dexterity jokes”

10. The folks who started #OWS can not be accused of being clumsy when it comes to speedy generation of support, and at the same time they are not dexterous enough to be accused of being political talented.

9. If #OccupyWallStreet proved anything, it is that the Wall Street banks are spending their time and their money trying to occupy dexterity in dancing around reform and slipping out of the clutches of government oversight regulation.

8. The candidate who will win the GOP nomination for the 2012 US Presidential Elections will be the one who proves the most able to #occupydexterity.

7. If President Obama gets through the 2012 elections with his popularity unscathed, it is due to his natural charisma and tendency to politically occupy dexterity.

6. If you’re nimble as a cat and your thimble’s on a hat, does that make your street wise or simple as a bat?

5. If cats were clumsy, what animal would dexterous creatures be compared to?

4. If nimble cats have 9 lives, and regular cats have nine lives, then what’s the point of felines being able to occupy dexterity?

3. In the digital age, remaining anonymous may require one to be nimble as a cat, even if you’re just like every other dog surfing the Interwebz.

2. You don’t have to be dexterous to occupy dexterity. You have to be tired of the top 1% of nimblest people controlling over half of the most maneuverable movements.

… and the #1 #OccupyDexterity joke  is:

1. Occupy dexterity together with the other 99% of clumsy people and before you know it, you’ll be falling over yourself at your successes.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

#OccupyChristmas editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy Christmas jokes

“Gingrich may not be original Grinch who stole Christmas, but he sure seems like a modern version.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Christmas jokes”

10. #ows protesters decided not to occupy Christmas because they won’t look good if they demonstrate against Santa Claus.

9. Occupy Christmas Eve to protest the fact that the top 1% of chimney owners own more than half the chimneys Santa can squeeze his fat butt down to bring them presents.

8. It’s time to #OccupyXmas and end the exploitation of elves in Sants’s workshop.

7. #OccupyChristmas because everyone should have the opportunity to have a good job like working in Santa’s workshop – not just elves.

6. If you succeed in the mission to occupy xmas there will be at least a dozen more unemployed flying reindeer.

5. Kids don’t need to occupy Christmas to learn the lesson of Xmas – which is of course, that it is better to receive lots of cool presents than not to receive any presents at all.

4. If you occupy xmas and go buy Christmas presents from a large shop, are you a Grinch who secretly loves the holiday spirit, or are you a holiday lover who secretly wants to be a Grinch?

3. President Obama is glad Gingrich is doing well in the opinion polls at Christmas time. It lets him draw a contrast between his social justice programs and the Ghost of Hypocrites Past.

2. If Santa owns all the great toys and brings them to all the good deserving girls and boys as long as they keep doing what he demands of them every year, then is he a hated member of the top 1% or is he a lovable wealthy social welfare proponent on the side of the other 99%?

… and the #1 #OccupyChristmas joke  is:

1. Occupy Christmas – to right the social injustice of the top 1% of good boys and girls getting more Christmas presents than the other 99%.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.