Francois Hollande editorial cartoon and Top 10 French Presidential jokes

“Following the elections of May 2012, the happiest people in France were the immigrant who supported Francois Hollande, and could not yet vote for him.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 French Presidential jokes”

10. Nicolas Sarkozy lost his re-election campaign to the Socialist upstart Francois Hollande, which just goes to show that being an incumbent is no form of invincibility, even if your wife is a supermodel.

9. Once the French elected Francois Hollande, a Socialist who promised to spend the country further into debt, as the President, domestic wine sales shot up, because no one could imagine being entirely sober for the next five years.

8. The French Elections: At least they didn’t elect Dominique Strauss-Kahn. The bill for his chamber-maids are also so exorbitant.

7. Extreme right wing leader Marie Le Pen may well have caused President Sarkozy to lose his bid for re-election, but you can’t blame her for his inability to once again seduce the voters with the same old lines he used to win Lady France the first go-around.

6. It really doesn’t matter what party is in power. The President of France is to compassion for the common citizen, as the President of Syria is to reality. Disconnected, and hanging on until the next change of power.

5. On his first official visit to the Queen of England, French President-elect Hollande could not bring his life partner, because they are not married in a traditional sense, and the Queen only has the sense to meet with traditionally married couples. Think of all the gay couple fights she causes.

4. Francois Hollande was the first Socialist President of France to be elected since Francois Mitterand. Frankly, this bodes well for any future Socialist candidate named Francois, Francis, Frances, Francette, or Franco.

3. It’s not easy being the President of France. After all, you have to kiss the Chancellor of Germany and pretend to like it.

2. French Presidents are a lot like sidekicks on late night television talk shows. You can count on them to agree with whatever the star sitting next to them is saying.

… and the #1 French Presidential joke is:

1. Francois Hollande may not be your favorite President of France. He may not be as exotic and ostentatious as President Sarkozy, but at least he maintains an impeccable form of boring, which is really the most common trait amongst executives.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Founder’s Fourtieth Birthday editorial cartoon and Top 10 Founder’s Birthday jokes

“Nothing says Happy Birthday like a roundhouse kick from a calendar.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Founder’s Day jokes”

10. Founder’s Day at The Daily Dose is a day for the past, present, and future paradoxes to override our usual sense of humor, with a foreboding sense of formality.

9. We had the funniest list of Founder’s Day jokes prepared, until Laughzilla ate them along with the cake.

8. It’s been forty years, and despite billions of keyboards and digital drawing devices, there is still no new Shakespeare as devoted to writing jokes as sonnets as the founder of The Daily Dose.

7. You can tell the Founder of The Daily Dose is getting more creative as time passes. This year he managed to have a whole country celebrate its Independence Day on his Solar orbit bookmark.

6. Our Founder is now generations old … and that makes him funnier and easier for us to laugh at as time goes by.

5. When our Founder found out we were throwing him a surprise party, he booked a trip out of town. Unfortunately, the travel agent arranged for his itinerary to take him to a conference about recovering from failed escapism.

4. Laughzilla accidentally broke our Founder’s Day present with one swift punchline to the funny bone.

3. Founder’s Day: At The Daily Dose, it’s the day when we laugh at our creator for all the smiles he simply gives away.

2. Haiku: Founder’s Day is here. Let us make it very clear. Laugh at our jokes, punk.

… and the #1 Founder’s Day Birthday joke is:

1. Founder’s Day is like a holiday at The Daily Dose, except that none of us celebrate it, because our beloved taskmaster won’t let us rest as long as he has to age.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

French Presidential Election editorial cartoon and Top 10 French Presidential Election jokes

“Americans think the French Presidential Elections are not manly. After all, Sarkozy and Hollande are in the political fight their careers, and whoever wins, both will still eat quiche.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 French Presidential Election jokes”

10. These French elections are like gardening … people use blades to cut roses.

9. Socialist vs. Conservative: France may have its differences in Presidential Election debates, but in the end, all agree the debates are better with wine.

8. Slogan: Drafting French Presidential Election slogans is more popular than their English counterparts, because in France, the political lies all sound so romantic.

7. #OccupyBaguetteBallots – Because the top 1% of bread winners should not own more than half of the famous fresh French bread.

6. Predicting the outcome of the French Presidential Elections is to spend your time trying to #occupyfunlikely facts.

5. #OccupyBrieBallots – Because the Top 1% of French Presidential Candidates should not own more than half of all the cheese in France.

4. French elections … history repeats itself … the co-prince of Andorra vs. the name of the rose.

3. Haiku: Hollande, Sarkozy. They must campaign like crazy. Voters are lazy.

2. Political bedfellows: Prostitution is the oldest profession, and French Presidential Elections are one of most prominent examples of it.

… and the #1 French Presidential Election joke is:

1. Dangerous Liaisons: Defining French politics, since before the French Revolution.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

“To anyone who is surprised by the misbehavior of the US Secret Service, you’ve obviously never met any of those agents, or the girls they exploited.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Pimpin’ Presidential Protective Services jokes”

10. President Obama is so upset at the Secret Service for their prostitution ring, because he wasn’t invited.

9. #OccupySecretServiceProstitution – Because the Top 1% of Presidential Proective Services Agents should not own more than half of the U.S. Secret Service Sex Scandals.

8. Haiku: Secret Service Sex. Pimping is not a scandal, unless you get caught.

7. Patriotic Americans are proud that their taxes are paying for underprivileged Latina sex workers to be recruited into undercover protective services.

6. Due to the Presidential Protective Services prostitution scandal, US Secret Service details are now equipped with full-time chaperones.

5. Song Parody: Down on the corner, out in the street, Willy and his Secret Service colleagues, hiring local girls they meet.

4. Three Words: Got Secretly Serviced?

3. Economy: The US Secret Service issued a statement claiming that they hired prostitutes while overseas, as part of delivering a long-promised package of foreign aids.

2. Foreign Relations: America’s reputation was already so poor beyond its borders, that the President’s Protective Services claim they ran the prostitution party in order to show the world that they still enjoy meeting foreigners and strengthening discrete, diplomatic relations through backroom deals that promote feel-good, international trade.

… and the #1 Pimpin’ Presidential Protective Services joke is:

1. Slogan: US Presidential Protective Services: We’ll take a bullet for the head of state, and hire whores when we’re out of country.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Syrian Cease Fire editorial cartoon and Top 10 Annan Assad jokes

“The cease fire deadline is in effect in Syria, and for the first several hours, there was a noticeable drop in Syrian armed forces attacking unarmed civilians. Apparently the government troops wanted to clean their weapons before reloading them.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Annan Assad jokes”

10. US State Department officials are closely monitoring the situation in Syria following the deadline of Kofi Annan’s UN 6 Point Peace Plan in Bashar Assad’s embattled country. In other words, staffers in the basement of Foggy Bottom are spending hours every day watching YouTube.

9. Kofi Annan’s fragile peace plan for Syria held during the first hours, despite the tension and suspicion on both sides, and you can probably know how much each quiet hour costs the UN if you follow the money.

8. Despite the UN-backed cease fire in Syria holding in its first hours, Syrian forces did not withdraw from areas required by the cease fire plan. In Assad’s view, silencing the guns is withdrawal, since he owns the entire country.

7. US Senator John McCain (R-AZ) visited Syrian refugee camps in Turkey and called for action against Syria, because he thinks that just like Libya, it’s the right thing to do. Plus, he’s still upset about losing to Barack Obama.

6. The UN has admitted that the Six Point Pleace Plan for Syria was originally hacked up by a covert group of computer programmers calling themselves Annanymous.

5. Haiku: It’s a cease fire. Assad is killing fewer. Only ‘light’ bloodshed.

4. How long do you think the Cease Fire will hold in Syria once the anti-government protesters march on the Presidential Palace in Damascus?

3. If the Cease Fire in Syria holds for the long-term, you can thank Kofi Annan for doing something useful, finally, and if it fails, you can blame him for failing once again.

2. President Obama is hoping that the Cease Fire will hold in Syria, because he wants stability in the Alawite dictatorship, at least until it’s no longer politically useful.

… and the #1 Annan Assad joke is:

1. Kofi Annan was heard mumbling to himself, “… but my plan had SIX points.”

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Exodus editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy Exodus jokes

“Springtime in the Middle East. Time to celebrate mass migration, by reliving it in current war-torn countries.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Occupy Exodus jokes”

10. As Jews commemorate the holiday of Passover, remembering that their ancestors mass-migrated out of Egypt to seek freedom and leavened bread in their ancestral homeland, Syrians are fleeing Syria to seek freedom and loukoumi in Turkey.

9. Ban Ki-Moon is unhappy that Mr. Assad is killing as many people as he can before the cease-fire is meant to take effect. Which is similar to being angry at a dying snake for trying to take a few more with it to the after life.

8. Now that the Syrians have fled their oppressive ruler for safer ground, who among them shall rise up to become the Moses of the exiled Syrian People?

7. The OWS movement is dishearted that so many Syrians have fled Syria, heading for Turkey. They would have preferred them to join their #RichPeopleProblems in downtown Manhattan.

6. Turkey has declared that in order to provide the human right of sanctuary to all the Syrians fleeing Syria, they will need international support. In other words, they wish to send the refugees to Europe and Arabia.

5. As the story goes, Moses gave the Hebrew People two famous tablets with the Ten Commandments from the top of Mt. Sinai. In contrast, no Syrians were given tablets on their way out of the country, because Apple and Google aren’t able to market their products there.

4. Occupy Exodus – because the top 1% should not own more than half of the refugee camps.

3. #OccupyExodus – It’s what afflicting the other 99% in Syria and Mali.

2. You can lead a people to water, but you can’t force them to flee in a mass exodus unless you’re a dictator like Bashar Assad who uses brutal force to occupy their towns and slaughter anyone resisting.

… and the #1 #OccupyExodus joke is:

1. Occupy Exodus – Teach a man to run, and he may flee for freedom in a mass exodus. Teach a nation to take up arms, and they may fight for freedom if the airports, sea ports and land borders are closed.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Assad editorial cartoon and Top 10 Syrian Diplomacy jokes

“In Syria, diplomacy is another word for kissing Assad’s ass while he kisses Asma’s ass.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Syrian Diplomacy jokes”

10. Reports are that Bashar Assad, the butcher of Syria, has respected his pact to respect the UN’s calls for a cease-fire. April Fool’s.

9. Hillary Clinton is displeased, and not surprised, that the Syrian regime has violated the UN’s 6-point plan for peace in Syria. Who better to diplomatically handle a liar disguised as a politician?

8. Society: Syrian snobs believe that the best way to transmit the displeasure to international condemnation of their support for the Syrian slaughter is to speak politely while giving the UN the proverbial finger.

7. Political Science: Syrians believe that political science will lead the way for their diplomatic efforts, by studying the number of people they can kill without being knocked out of power.

6. Healthcare: Off the record, senior Syrian diplomats are upset that all those Syrian protesters are being injured and killed, because it’s clogging up the hospitals and causing them to wait longer for their colonoscopies.

5. Haiku: The 6 point plan died, along with more Syrians. Diplomacy sucks.

4. Finance: Syrian Diplomats believe they can finance the suppression of the opponents to the Assad regime, as long as the dictator in Damascus can crush their hope and bullets can be bought for change.

3. Anger Management: Diplomacy in Syria is a lot a repeat offender stuck in anger management training: They’re never going to internalize actual change, and they only understand aggression.

2. Back-channels: In the art of Syrian wartime diplomacy, back-channels are another phrase for the dirty deeds done in the smoke-filled backrooms of political parlors. In other words, exchanging mountains of money for mass murder swept under the rug.

… and the #1 Syrian Dictator joke is:

1. Q: How can you tell when Bashar Assad and his diplomats are lying? A: Their hearts are beating.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

How Assad Accepts the 6 Point UN Plan editorial cartoon and Top 10 Syrian Dictator jokes

“President Assad took the UN 6 Point Plan in stride, as would any dictator, by saying one thing, and killing another.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Syrian Dictator jokes”

10. President Assad accepted the UN 6 point plan, with their paper in one hand, and a gun in the other.

9. Haiku: Assad Accepts Plan. The UN is dubious. More Syrians die.

8. Tourism: Visit Syrla, and get a free funeral.

7. Eco-conscious: The Syrian dictator believes that Syria’s environment will be helped by burying all those extra organic human nutrient units into the ground.

6. Suits: You might not be dressed as sharply as Asma Assad’s husband, but if you’re a Syrian protestor, you might get shot by one of the Syrian dictator’s soldiers wearing camouflage.

5. Flags: Syria’s flag in 2012: It’s a plain white cloth, normally used to indicate surrender, only it’s dyed blood red.

4. Slogan: Syria. Home of the Assad regime, and cemetery of his subjects.

3. Medicine: Bashar Assad is upset that the EU has cut off access to the necessary medicines his Asma requires from overseas, namely, her European bank accounts.

2. Economy: Bashar Assad believes that killing all those protestors is the sure-fire way to reduce unemployment and raise the per capita income in Syria.

… and the #1 Syrian Dictator joke is:

1. The Syrian dictator allowed the UN to visit the war-torn regions of his country, but was very angry that his snipers were unable to hit the NGO’s diplomats.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Face Book Wall Poke editorial cartoon and Top 10 Occupy Frivolous Lawsuits jokes

“Facebook wants to legally own the words face, book, wall, poke, friend and like. Yeah, really. That’s what you call Anti-Social Nerd-Wording.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 #OccupyFrivolousLawsuits jokes”

10. Would #OWS be as supportive of Facebook if FB decided to claim ownership of everything the protest movement posts on the social networking site? Oh wait, … they already do, legally.

9. Haiku: You can’t sue Facebook, if you agreed to their terms. So don’t agree. Hack.

8. Economy: President Obama believes that the US economy would be fixed if there were 1,000 more Facebooks. What he seems to ignore is that facebook already has a fix on the economy, as there are no other significant social networks.

7. Free Speech: You can say anything you want on Facebook, as long as you don’t sue them for stealing everything you post.

6. Censorship: Facebook doesn’t want to censor you, but if you have the sort of friends they don’t like, they’ll nail your ass to the wall post and poke you with lawsuits so costly, you won’t be able to ignore them.

5. Revolution: Facebook has been used for gathering mobs and starting revolutions in many countries, but not a single country has yet started a revolution whose mobs created a book of faces.

4. Debt: The people of #OccupyWallStreet want to Occupy Frivolous Lawsuits because they can’t figure out how to occupy debt.

3. Apple: Apple is suing Samsung. Samsung is suing Apple. The amount they would each win from the other would make it roughly a zero sum game, and OWS doesn’t think that’s a frivolous lawsuit worth occupying.

2. Politics: Politicians want to occupy frivolous lawsuits with counter-suits. That’s what happens when you surround yourself with too many suits.

… and the #1 Occupy Frivolous Lawsuits joke is:

1. Q: Why does Facebook want to occupy frivolous lawsuits? A: That’s not funny, and if you post this answer to your Wall, they’ll sue you too.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

Wade vs. Sall Senegal Presidential Elections editorial cartoon and Top 10 Senegal jokes

“The only funny thing about the elections in Senegal is the election process itself.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Senegal jokes”

10. The elections aren’t in doubt. The victor will be either the current incumbent, or his protege. Either way, it’s not a bad result for Mr. Wade.

9. President Wade is running for a third term despite a two-term limit. Don’t you just love politics in Africa?

8. Macky Sall, the candidate for President going up against long-time incumbent President Abdulaye Wade, campaigned on national unity. That’s code for “when I’m President, you’ll all be my subjects and publicly protest the corruption you are privately a part of.”

7. Haiku: It’s Wade versus Sall. The Senegal Elections. Watch it Live and Snooze.

6. One-Liner: Hey Sall. Is that a Wade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

5. Tourism: Visit Senegal: Even though we speak French, we’re still the only stable democracy in Western Africa never comandeered by the armed forces.

4. Hats: Our hats are simpler than Lady Gaga‘s, because we believe the old expression: KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid.

3. Flags: We only need one star on our flag, because the President of Senegal is the only star in our country.

2. Environmental: Look, in Senegal, we’re either picking the incumbent President, or his ex-protege, to be our next President. So please, don’t tell us about how to recycle.

… and the #1 Senegal joke is:

1. Slogan: Senegal. It’s not just the home of Youssou N’dour.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.