Syria is a popular land for America and Russia to squabble over, since there are very few natural resources there, making it a relatively safe testing ground for new politics and newer weapons. — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Eagle and Bear jokes”

10. Tradition: When it comes to the Civil War in Syria, it wouldn’t be a proper four year Presidential cycle in America or Russia without a proper conflict somewhere in the Middle East.

9. Wealth: If wars were not fought for treasure, then it would be a lot harder for the Eagle and the Bear to profit from them.

8. Haiku: Eagle and Bear play. Syria suffers a lot. Assad’s still laughing.

7. Power: America and Russia are the world’s leading arms powers, because they understand that guns don’t make people powerful. People make guns powerful.

6. Democracy: If America and Russia are both allies and both democracies and both want peace in the Middle East, why don’t they just do what they always do best, together? Just impose it by force. That seems to work great so far.

5. Intelligence: The best agencies in the world can’t predict what will happen in Syria over the next three days, let alone the next three years, because their bosses don’t want the obvious, inconvenient truth to come out.

4. Protocol: Americans and Russians respect each other enough to know not to put their forces into direct conflict with each other. That’s what the people of the Middle East are for.

3. Populism: We the People of the bald eagle, shall have geopolitical tensions with the people of the bear, as long as there are political alliances and arms to be traded in the Middle East.

2. Fame: Nobody fights a war to become famous, even if lots of people became famous fighting wars.

… and the #1 Eagle and Bear joke is:

1. Three Words: Syria’s a mess.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Editorial Caricature America Russia Use Syria appeared first on The Daily Dose.

Once upon a half-time, The King of Beers made three frogs the Kings of Amphibians with one Super Bowl Ads. — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 King of Beers jokes”

10. All The King’s Horses: Couldn’t pull the Super Bowl Frogs away from their lifetime supply of Budweiser beer.

9. Populism: Budweiser is all about being the favorite beer in every last corner of the land, which is why their Clydesdale horses are so tired of schlepping around those beer wagons everywhere.

8. Informality: The newest king of beers, King Willem Alexander of Holland, is so famous for loving beer and being informal, that a local Dutch brewer is going to brew a new brand of Pilsner with the king’s buzzed face on the bottle, wearing sunglasses and smoking some kind of funny looking cigarette. It’s going to be called “The Dude of Beers”.

7. Intelligence: If all beer drinkers had the proportional intelligence of the Budweiser frogs, wouldn’t they all be drinking Samuel Adams instead?

6. Democracy: That brewer loves his beer so much, he hops to it every day, and pours his energy into keeping a good head on his frosty mug.

5. Power: If horses run on horsepower, why don’t beer drinkers run on beer power?

4. Haiku: Frogs do not brew beer. Neither does Anheuser-Busch. They brew piss-water.

3. Wealth: Pirates got wealthy using parley. Brewers get wealthy using barley.

2. Fame: It’s one thing to be a famous frog, and quite another to be the great-grandchild of said famous frog, who has to live up to high standards just to stay within the standard deviation.

… and the #1 King of Beers joke is:

1. Three Words: Bud. Weis. Er.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Frogs Super Bowl Legend appeared first on The Daily Dose.

Holland’s new king Willem Alexander is so modest, his wife’s crown is only worth millions of euros. — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Royal Dutch jokes”

10. All The King’s Men: Couldn’t put “Pils” back together again after he became the ruling monarch of Holland.

9. Intelligence: The habit of keeping old, antiquated traditions like royalty in Europe is one more proof of a lack of intelligent life on Earth.

8. Celebration: On Queen Day, Beatrix abdicated, and King Willem Alexander ascended the throne, and just about everyone wore orange. If that isn’t a reason to party, then you obviously are not in Amsterdam.

7. Populism: The House of Orange is so popular in part because of their policy of staying out of politics, their liberal culture, and their fun color palette.

6. Haiku: Princess Beatrix. King Willem Alexander. Dutch royals go on.

5. Power: The monarchy in Holland is mostly symbolic, except that they still control the House of Orange cultural celebrations on April 30.

4. Democracy: Will April 30 (Queen Day) now be referred to as King Day in the Netherlands? Either way, it’s an iconoclastic symbol of a bygone era that is out of synch with democratic values, which is what makes it a perfect balancing stone in the nation known for water, flowers and fun.

3. Wealth: Of course the royal House of Orange is wealthy. Just look at how understated their monarchs dress when they formally exchange power. And as we all know, less is more.

2. Informality: King Willem Alexander said at his coronation that he would not expect to be called “His Majesty” and would be fine however people chose to refer to him. He then quaffed a Pilsner, puffed a magic cigarette, and watched The Big Lebowski again.

… and the #1 Royal Dutch joke is:

1. Three Words: Willem. Dude. King.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Netherlands Royalty Queen Beatrix Abdication King Willem Alexander Coronation Cartoon appeared first on The Daily Dose.

In a pathetic political caricature of himself, Barack Hussein Obama has once again “clarified” that there would be “consequences” if Bashar al-Assad stepped over the “red line” of using chemical weapons against the Syrian opposition movement. Such consequences apparently include more stern warnings about how there would be more stern warnings directed at the dictator in Damascus. — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 U.S. Political Chatter jokes”

10. Horse Trading: The worst form of political caricature is the kind that shows the truth about the give and take of bargaining in politics, because it’s not fictitious enough.

9. Intelligence: U.S. Intelligence has proven that the WMDs used in Boston by the Tsarnaev brothers is the same as the kind used in Syria every day, and therefore it’s better to stay out of that fray until they’ve run out of ordinance.

8. Human Rights: Of course America can not just stand idly by while innocent civilians are dying at the hands of evildoers. And that’s just in Boston, which is why the U.S. is just too busy to help with the millions of displaced, abused, harmed and killed Syrians.

7. Populism: Of course Barack Obama is not a populist. He acts on principle. The principle that if an action like regime change in Syria is unpopular, he should probably find alternatives or avoid it altogether.

6. Haiku: Obama is lame. Assad used chemical bombs. Barack does nothing.

5. Precedence: Of course the President of the United States of America has the precedence to cause regime change in Muslim countries. Just not in Syria.

4. Democracy: Even though they fight and die for it daily, the Syrians, like the Afghans, Iraqis, Libyans, Egyptians, Yemenites, Tunisians, etc. obviously don’t want democracy, or else why would they hate America so much?

3. Money: Barack Obama and military contractors would be only too happy to see the United States replace the Assad regime with a pro-democracy government in Syria, if only there was any capital to be gained by it.

2. Patriotism: There’s nothing more American than The White House lobbing empty shells filled with meaningless words at a tyrant half a world away, using live shells.

… and the #1 U.S. Political Chatter joke is:

1. Three Words: Assad Will Pay.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Political Caricature Barack Obama Warning Bashar Assad Not To Step Over Chemical Weapons Red Line appeared first on The Daily Dose.

Overheard at Boston Square Market over the weekend: “The Chechens are coming! The Chechens are coming!” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Boston Strong Beats Bomber Terror jokes”

10. Haiku: Dzhokar Tsarnaev. His name is a joke to some. Evil to others.

9. Police: In Boston, law enforcement knows about how to catch suspected terrorists. Just force everyone to stay at home for a day, and then net the suspect in a landlocked boat.

8. Immigration: Immigration in America needs to be reformed. Instead of letting people become inculcated against the very country that grants people endless freedom and opportunity, the government should bribe the best and brightest immigrants to move from Holland to the United States.

7. Charles River: They tossed Osama Bin Laden into the North Arabian Sea. Why can’t they toss the Tsarnaev brothers into the Charles River?

6. Community: Seeing so many people come together to support Boston’s victims is so touching. It’s a true testament to the power of great suffering. Without it, the United States might devolve into the Ununited States.

5. Miranda: Everyone has the right to remain silent, except for the terrorist suspect in captivity, who can’t actually talk due to the injuries he sustained in his fire fights with law enforcement.

4. Military: Of course the Police won’t torture a terrorist suspect. That’s our job.

3. Patriot: It would be very unAmerican to squeeze Mr. Tsarnaev down to the size of a football and have the Patriots throw him, spike him, and kick him around for a few hours, and yet it would be so just.

2. Economics: The terrorists only win if they change our ways. So shutting down a major U.S. Metro area for 24 hours to hunt two guys with light arms in a nation full of gun owners, … that’s a victory for who again?

… and the #1 Boston Strong Beats Bomber Terror joke is:

1. Three Words: We Got Him.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post President Obama Caricature On Boston Bomber Miranda Rights appeared first on The Daily Dose.

“How come none of history’s worst dictators ever had to beware the Ides of March?” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Ides of March jokes”

10. Haiku: On the Ides of March, tyrants do not need to make plans for late night meals.

9. Lobbyists: When special interest groups stab you in the back, it’s not personal, it’s just the Ides.

8. Community: Where everybody know your omen.

7. Curiosity: If Christians put up crucifixes on Easter, why don’t Romans put up daggers on the Ides of Mars?

6. Alcohol: Ides Beer: Comes with an ugly warning that in your case, the end is nigh.

5. Three stiff words: Ides of starch.

4. Health Care: Going under the knife is covered under the Ides policy.

3. Politics: The Ides of March. Just when you thought it was safe to go and play in the Roman Senate.

2. Economics: The Ides of March can’t fix the economy, and they can’t hurt it all that badly, either, unless you skip St. Patrick’s Day and the NCAA March Madness college basketball championship tournament.

… and the #1 Ides of March joke is:

1. Military: If you order a military operation to execute the Ides in your historical times, then you really are also Brutus.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Bashar Assad Caricature Beware The Ides Of March appeared first on The Daily Dose.

“Why do anti-gun activists want more gun control? Isn’t gun control what you call it when you aim well, shoot well and hit your target?” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Obama gun control jokes”

10. Populist: Obama doesn’t push for whatever gun control laws the majority says it wants. Rather, he pushes for whatever gun control laws he says the majority wants.

9. Haiku: Obama gun laws. City and country vary. Don’t like it? Well, shoot.

8. Diplomacy: Most people around the world do not understand how Americans can be so fond of their Right to Bear Arms, even at the cost of tens of thousands of gunshot deaths each year. Then again, most of the world also begs America for guns and butter when times get rough. So to the rest of the world, American gun-owners have a simple message for you: Shut it.

7. Politics: Democrats and Republicans love duking it out over gun control, because it’s an issue that can trigger all sorts of whiz bang outcomes.

6. Lobbyists: The NRA loves seeing the President of the United States firing a rifle at Camp David. It reminds them of just how peaceful it is out in nature, between gunshots.

5. Internet: Gun control will not put an end to Internet spam.

4. Economics: From the Oval Office, it is evidently cheaper to have less gun control, and it causes government bloat and waste to have more of it. Therefore, there should be more of it.

3. Community organizer: If at first you don’t succeed at organizing your community for or against gun control, then you’re really never going to follow in Barack Obama’s footsteps.

2. Healthcare: Republicans are equating Obamacare to Obama’s push for more gun control, because the GOP basically does everything it can to drum up fears of anti-2nd Amendment action.

… and the #1 Obama gun control joke is:

1. Three words: Click. Bang. Dang.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Obama Gun Control Policy Caricature appeared first on The Daily Dose.

“Hillary Clinton has achieved more popularity in being Obama’s international face, than she ever did making a ruckus. No wonder she’s leaving her State Department job.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 Hillary Clinton jokes”

10. Stand by her man: Easier than standing by her boss, Barack Obama, for four more years.

9. Middle East: Secretary Clinton could not solve the problems of the Middle East any easier than she could fix Bill’s habitual dalliances.

8. Two words: Diplomatic failure.

7. Haiku: Hillary Clinton. You rose to fame through power. That’s an ego trip.

6. The Matrix: An agent has just gone rogue … by retiring and not going away.

5. Politics: Secretary Clinton has risen from politician to statesman … or stateswoman. And thus, the main parties can glad-hand her when times are good, and diss her the chips are down.

4. Diplomacy: The U.S. Secretary of State Clinton would just like to remind everyone that just because she is retiring from diplomacy, does not mean she will remain in the shadows for long, as she intends to do very undiplomatic things in order to stay relevant for another bid at the presidential election in 2016.

3. Lobbyists: For people who lobby on behalf of foreign dictatorships, the only thing worse than a U.S. Secretary of State named Mrs. Clinton, is a retired U.S. Secretary of State named Mrs. Clinton who has nothing to lose by letting all of the poisons slip out.

2. Business: For CEOs, the only thing worse for business than a Clinton in politics, is a Clinton out of politics who won’t stop talking reminiscing.

… and the #1 Hillary Clinton joke is:

1. Three words: Egypt and Libya.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Hillary Clinton Leaves State Department appeared first on The Daily Dose.

“If the gun lobby really wanted to help reduce the number of gun related deaths, they could simply offer to make bullets cost five grand a piece, or just ban people.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 gun law jokes”

10. 7 Day Waiting Period Law: The law to put a week-long delay on certain gun purchases was enacted to prevent women on their monthly period from doing anything rash which they might regret the next week.

9. Two words: Bullet registry.

8. NRA: The National Rifle Association is sure that the best way to keep the number of gun related deaths to a minimum is education. Because you know, in a fit of rage, just before shooting someone, every homicidal maniac will naturally calmly think to refer to those gun ownership and handling classes.

7. Smith & Wesson: Half of you love us. Half of you hate us. We must be doing something right.

6. Smith & Wesson Reloaded: What are you going to reach for when the next psycho killer comes a’ knockin’ at your door?

5. Haiku: The gun lobby cries. So do the folks in Newtown. People kill people.

4. Business: Anti-gun activists want to wage war on the business of guns. Of course, being unarmed, those activists don’t have much of a chance to win.

3. Politics: If guns are problematic because of political issues, then the solution is obvious: Ban politics.

2. Lobbyists: Guns don’t kill people.  Bullets kill people.

… and the #1 gun law joke is:

1. Three words: Bang! Bang!  … … … Bang!

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Gun Lobby Vs Empty Chair Cartoon appeared first on The Daily Dose.

“At least there was no Christmas bomber this year.” — Yasha Harari

“Top 10 political Christmas jokes”

10. Independents: Independent voters support all holidays, not just Christmas, as long as H. Ross Perot can beta test each one before they are rolled out.

9. Two words: Christmas sucks.

8. Democrats: The Democratic party is happy to support Christmas events with taxpayer funds, as long as the manger in the nativity scene has a fully complimented healthcare center.

7. Haiku: Santa Claus dropped by, gave Congress a fiscal cliff, and went home, laughing.

6. Republicans: The Tea Party may not have much sway in the Republican Party, but they have managed to take control of Christmas  thanks to the fact that they own the Fox News Channel.

5. Cultural: If there is a war on Christmas, Santa Claus is winning, and you can blame the godless merchants who market his wares and the flock of sheep who buy their goods.

4. Business: Business owners hate Christmas when sales are low, because they have to keep paying regular salaries in order not to come off as being the Grinch.

3. Politics: Washington, DC at Christmas time is at a standstill, with politicians on the left and the right arguing over who should carve up the economy … err … Christmas ham.

2. Lobbyists: Foggy Bottom is full of fat and happy lobbyists at Christmas time, when they have so little time in the year left to burn up political slush funds.

… and the #1 political Christmas is:

1. Three words: Vote Santa Claus.

Reference: Yasha Harari for TheDailyDose.com.

The post Obama Reads Santa Claus His Naughty Nice List appeared first on The Daily Dose.